3 MINUTE READ
Where have all the plump celebrities gone? No seriously, where are they?
Switch on any British or USA chat show, documentary, drama or news, technology, science, history art, music or comedy programme and EVERYONE is slim. As are are all the other leaders and influencers out there – politicians, bankers, the Head of This and the CEO of That.
I’m starting to think that you don’t get to earn over £200k, work in the City of London or marry a Royal unless you are slim.
We’re not taking normal everyday slim – 5ft 5 inches, 135 pounds, with an ever-so-slight muffin-top. No siree – we’re talking 5ft 5, 98-pounds-thin, with protruding hip bones.
And how exactly do you think that leaves the rest of us feeling?
It’s not just women. Men have to comply too. If I ever got invited on to the couch of BBC Breakfast to provide expert comment on something (why are you laughing – it might happen) I’d be rather wary sitting down heavily in case the smiley male interviewer at the other end of the sofa bounced up in the air seesaw style.
Apparently, the camera is unforgiving and adds a good 10 pounds to your weight so I can’t image how petit presenters are in real life and how little food must get eaten at the BAFTAs and Oscars.
Have you ever been in the company or an honest-to-God, proper fully fledged A-lister? I have. Well not in the company of exactly, I saw one in a shop once. They are tiny! Like half size of the rest of us. I could be two of them.
It’s as if being super-slim these days equals some sort of talent or achievement.
Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with being slim or even super slim (it’s on my To Do List)… UNLESS it’s a job requirement.
Then it becomes an –ism.
So folks, let me introduce you to the new kid in town. Joining Sexism, Racism and Ageism, it’s time to say a BIG hello to…
PLUMP-ISM – it’s rife and on a screen near you now.
Plump-ism is damaging and discriminatory and affects the lives of every one of us who enjoys the occasional glass of wine, pizza, and chip butty.
Say for example, if I was a newsreader or that cheery woman on The One Show and I’d piled on the pounds over Christmas, and by the end of March I was still munching my way through handfuls of Revels every night (not while on air obviously). I bet my bottom dollar that my boss would give me a good talking to and quietly imply that if I didn’t step away from the sweeties my next career move would be a presenting job on Farming Today at 5.45am on BBC Radio 4.
Ok, the occasional plump celebrity manages to beat the system….but most of the time they end up having to play the role of The Jolly Plump Actor or The Jolly Plump Presenter or The Jolly Plump Comedian.
It’s not always been like that.
I remember the days when there were tons of famous people who were not super-skinny. The Carry On team were all shapes and sizes as was Ronnie Barker, Victoria Wood, French & Saunders, Mama Cass, Reginal Bosanquet, Val Doonican, Alison Moyet, Margo from The Good Life, Mrs Slocombe from Are You Being Served, Keith Floyd had a wee paunch, and from her mid 20s Princess Diana looked strong, not skinny.
If you feel that you’ve been a victim plump-ism get yourself a Grab Bag of Walkers Crisps, a glass of wine, settle into the sofa, put on an old movie and marvel at their lack of skinniness of Jayne Mansfield, Elizabeth Taylor, and Marilyn Monroe.
It’s a sad fact however, those days are gone. Now, if you in the public eye and are over a size 8 you can say bye bye to your career. Your only option is to book yourself in to some torturous Boot Camp for a couple of months, lose half your body weight, then get a couple of Paps to snap you posing in a bikini, ideally frolicking in the waves with a footballer, sell the story of how you shed 60 pounds, write a healthy cookbook, go on Strictly – and Hey Presto you’re a D lister.
So I’ve started a campaign…
…with the goal of ensuring that this time next year News at Ten will be presented by a very clever midlife woman, who is a generous size 14 and has bingo wings.
I’ll finish with some words I never thought I’d say….Thank God for the Kardashians – they all look as if they fall within their healthy BMI range.
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