What’s With…The Kardashians

What’s With…The Kardashians

5 Minute Read

Don’t know your Khloe from your Kourtney? Me Neither.

Not been keeping up with the Kardashians? Me neither.

Don’t Give a Toss? Me Neither.

Having said that, there comes a point in life when something has been on your peripheral vision for so long – say, Nigel Farage, Ivanka Trump’s husband or Clean Eating – that you wake up one morning and think What Is That?

So if you have even the mildest curiously about The Kardashians – like why do all their names begin with K and why are they so everywhere and who the hell are the Jenners – but can’t be assed finding out, read on.

I’ve been Googling and reading the Daily Mail Online – and I’ve even watched some YouTube clips of Keeping Up With the Kardashians (or KUWTK to those of us the know) – so you don’t have to, and am proud to present…

What’s With…The Kardashian

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Keeping Up With the Kardashians…

is a reality TV show that follows the lives of the Kardashians, their various partners, and wider blended family.  It first aired in October 2007, and is now in its 14th season (God ‘elp us).

The gals have eyewatering numbers following their every move on social media – more people follow Kim Kardashian on Instagram than live in Norway, Iceland AND Wales COMBINED – and they can command six figures sums for a couple of brand endorsement posts.

The Kardashians are minted…

and have tons of things like a fleets of toy cars for the kids, B I G diamonds, surrogate babies and Kim recently unveiled her new set of wheelie bins which are emblazoned with Louis Vuitton Logo  (personally if I was LV’s Director of Marketing I am not so sure I’d have sanctioned that use of my precious branding).

They live near each other in Los Angeles in huge homes with swimming pools and comfy looking white sofas on which they lounge about, wearing cream leisurewear, and talk very earnestly to each other about the latest family drama.

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Kris Jenner (born 1955)…

is the brains behind the whole carry on.

She’s been married twice and is the self-appointment Momager (she’s trademarked the word) overseeing the careers of her six children.

Kris’s Marriage to Robert Kardashian 

It all started in 1978 when Kris gave up her job as a flight attendant and married Robert Kardashian, a lawyer

They had 4 children together – 3 girls, and must have decided it would be really kute to give them all names that all start a K.  So we have Kourtney (born 1979), Kim (b. 1980) and Khloe (b. 1984). Oh, and they also had 1 son – ROB b. 1987 (why not Keith or Kev I do not know) – who nobody seems that much interested in – so don’t worry about him.

Robert was friendly with OJ Simpson and was part of his defense team when OJ stood trial for murdering his wife, Nicole (who was Kris’s friend) and Ron Goldman.  (If you watch The People Vs O.J. Simpson you’ll see Robert Kardashian played by David Schwimmer and lots of little Kardashians talking earnestly).

After the couple divorced in 1991, Robert went on to marry two other women (thankfully no one is interested in them either). He died in 2003, aged 59, of esophageal cancer.

Kris Marriage To and Divorce From Bruce / Caitlin Jenner 

Meanwhile back to Kris, who after her divorce promptly married Bruce Jenner, who had won a gold medal in the decathlon event at 1976 Olympic Games.

Bruce had already been married twice and had three sons – Burt, Brandon, Brody (clearly he prefers Bs to Ks) – and a daughter Casey. We don’t have to think about them either.

Bruce and Kris went on to have two daughters whose names also start with a K – so we have the Kardashians half-sisters, Kendall Jenner (b 1995) and Kylie Jenner (b 1997) Jenner – who both appear regular in KUWTK.

After 23 years of marriage, Kris and Rob, divorced in 2015 citing irreconcilable differences – which might have been down to Bruce announcing that he had gender dysphoria, had spent years cross-dressing and was planning to undergone hormone replacement therapy. However, I suspect it had more to do with the fact that he chose to spell his new name Caitlyn with a C and not a K. Kaitlyn would have been just as good and would have tied in nicely with the branding.

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Caitlyn Jenner – above

Since then Caitlyn, has undergone cosmetic and sex reassignment surgery and in 2015 was named Glamour magazine’s Woman of the Year, was featured on the front cover of Vanity Fair, is better at walking in heels than I am, and is known as a keen advocate for LGBT rights.

Right now relations between Caitlyn and Kris ain’t good because Caitlin brought out a tell-all autobiography in which she dissed (see I got jargon) the Kardashians as well as marriage to Kris: Cue lots of in KUWTK scenes sitting about on white sofas being earnest.

After that divorce, Kris started dating toyboys, and frankly, I don’t blame her.

 

PAY ATTENTION AT THE BACK!

 

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Kourtney Kardashian…

is the oldest Kardashian and was the first family member to appear on reality TV, taking part in Filthy Rich: Cattle Drive. I haven’t checked but I don’t think it won any Emmys

Kourtney has had an on-off romance with Scott Disick, who works in ‘various industries’ (flogging vitamins and supplements and whatnot) and they had three kids – Mason, Penelope, and Reign. Scott was forever being photographed with other women and announced he has a sex addiction. Kourtney seems to have got fed up with that and is now also dating toy boys. And frankly, I don’t blame her either.

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Kim Kardashian West…

Hmmm…where to start!  Kim is the most famous of the Ks but way back she was seen as a bit of ‘hanger-on’ to celebrities like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, then a sex tape of her and Ray J (I have no idea who he is and to be honest I’ve already spent quite enough time on Google for this post) shot her to fame right before the launch of KUWTK.

Since then, Kim has launched tons of products, apps, appeared on Dancing with the Stars, posed for endless fashion shoots, broke the internet with a nude selfie, appeared on the front cover of Vogue and was robbed at gunpoint during Paris fashion week (where else, darling)

She’s been married three times. The first time, aged 19, she made a major error of judgment by marrying a man whose name did not begin with a K (Damon Thomas) but she quickly corrected that my marrying a sports guy Kris Humphries.  That latest less than 2 months and then she married Kanye West a singer, in 2014 and they have gone on to 3 children together – North West ( a girl), Saint West (a boy) and recently, via a surrogate  their third child Chicago West (a girl. Also a train station and the name of numerous pizza joints worldwide).

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Khloe Kardashian… 

If had to choose a favourite (like someone was threatening to waterboard me if I didn’t pick one) it would be Khloe, who is known for her wit and words of wisdom. But then again, everything in life is relative.

Back in 2009 Khloe married basketball player Lamar Odom only a month after meeting him at a party but filed for divorce after helping him recover from an accidental drug overdose in a brothel. Well if that doesn’t get on the blower to the divorce lawyers I can’t imagine what would.

Following in the family tradition Khloe went on date toy boys and recently had a baby girl named, True  (honestly, that’s true) with Baby Daddy, Tristan Thompson, having gone into labour early when she heard reports that Tristan (boo hiss)  had been unfaithful.

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Kendall Jenner…

has been appearing in KUWTK since she was 12. Suddenly when she was about 17 she turned in to one of “new generation of supermodels”.

She models for Victoria’s Secrets, has appear on the catwalk for Chanel, Givenchy and Marc Jacobs and was named as one of the highest-earning models of 2016 by Forbes Magazine.

Out of all the sisters Kendall is closest to her only full-blooded sibling Kylie and has been quoted as saying she’s ‘more of a Jenner’.

Are you concerned that this might means she’s distancing herself from her older half-sisters? Or are you with me and don’t give a shit?

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Kylie Jenner…

is the baby of the family. She isn’t as model-y as Kendall but that’s not stopped her becoming a social media star with her own cosmetics line.

At the tender age of 20, she had a little girl, Stormi Webster with her Baby Daddy, Travis Scott (whose real name is the rather pleasant sounding Jacques Webster which begs the question why change to Travis Scott). Almost before Stormi had let out her first cry, Kylie released at 11-minute video showing the world the highlights of her secret pregnancy – the worst kept secret since Donald Trump took up dyeing his hair.

And breathe.

Never again will you feel out of touch when the K word is mentioned. And now you can get back to watching The Crown.

Want More? Here’s What’s With…Henry VIII and His Six Wives

 

The End

PS I’m chuffed to bits that I’ve has been nominated in The Funniest Blogger Category in The Annual Bloggers Bash Awards. If you feel inclined you can vote for Midlife Smarts on this link. Thanx x

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35 Comments

  1. 10 February 2018 / 9:38 am

    A funny and helpful guide to the crazy world of KUWTK. Ive never watched it and now don’t need to. Thank you!

    • 11 February 2018 / 11:42 am

      Thanks Rachael. Thought I’d replied already. I got rather caught up in Kardashian world writing that one but thankfully I’m feeling more normal again now! JIll x

  2. 10 February 2018 / 11:32 am

    Thank you. This has helped enormously, because I had no idea who or what the Kardashians were before. I felt mentally enriched by the end of the first paragraph, and fulfilled in the reassurance that my previous apathy was wholly justified.

    • 10 February 2018 / 11:34 am

      Oh hahaha that made me laugh. My head was spinning researching that one but I do fancy a Louis Vuitton Wheely Bin !

      • 10 February 2018 / 11:40 am

        Actually, I came back to add that I thought your research was seriously impressive; that’s real dedication to your craft! 🙂 And it did make me giggle. I’ll go away and look up Louis Vuitton now…

  3. 10 February 2018 / 2:52 pm

    Thank you. I didn’t need that, but I have to acknowledge that you went to some effort to research it. Thanks to you, though, I now understand why I really can’t be bothered with the whole Jenner/Kardashian thing. I didn’t even realise they were a single thing before, so that means it’s only one thing I’m not interested in rather than two. That means I have to make a lot less effort not being interested in it.

  4. KelB
    10 February 2018 / 3:56 pm

    I loved this post! It made me laugh so hard, appreciate the ‘The Guide for the Disinterested.’ A few friends and I were actually discussing this last weekend, we couldn’t figure out who was who and why people cared. Thanks for the research and the early morning laugh!

    • 11 February 2018 / 9:06 am

      Hey Kel, thanks for commenting. Great to know you got a wee laugh It’s almost like we need a family tree to understand them all :O Jillx

  5. 11 February 2018 / 8:35 am

    From one disinterested person to another, now i can at least fake it in office convserations lol

    • 11 February 2018 / 9:05 am

      Hey Sarah, thanks for commenting. Glad you enjoyed and good to know you can now sound knowledgable in the office chat 🙂 Jx

  6. 11 February 2018 / 8:51 am

    Haha this is brilliant. I too knew bugger all about the Kardashians, but now I can truly wow people with my extensive knowledge of them. It’s like you’re providing a public service here.

    • 11 February 2018 / 9:03 am

      Haha. Maybe the BBC will pay me to do a series explaining it all. They are EVERYWHERE and I had no idea who was who. Still don’t really know why they are famous though! Thanks for popping on . Jx

  7. 11 February 2018 / 9:49 am

    Loved this post! I have only ever watched one episode of this post and only because there was literally nothing else on telly at the time (I actually couldn’t find the remote). I feel like I never need to again after reading this. 😂

    Paula http://insertmyblognamehere.blogspot.co.uk

    • 11 February 2018 / 10:02 am

      That’s funny. Thanks for popping by – great to know you enjoyed Jill

  8. Sonia Boal
    11 February 2018 / 9:49 am

    Karping on about the cluster**ks, yer woman (really famous one) makes my skin crawl!

  9. 13 February 2018 / 9:29 am

    From one disinterested person to another… I am still disinterested…The whole thing leaves me speechless I would rather be a poor writer languishing on her chaise lounge in her attic dreaming of a best seller than be that rich…Who am I kidding?…haha

    • 13 February 2018 / 9:35 am

      Hey Carol, that’s funny. My head was bursting researching that one! Yes that’s enough info on the K’s for one lifetime. Thanks for popping by. JIll

  10. 14 February 2018 / 1:17 pm

    Thanks for linking up with us at #MLSTL Jill – I’m not sure this post really qualifies for what we’re looking for in the guidelines – perhaps next week you could share something a little more to do with your life and we’ll let the other linkies have the Kardashians – they really are not even on my radar – too much ego and too much money and very little substance. I’ve shared this on SM and look forward to you sharing and commenting on the other posts that were linked.

    • 14 February 2018 / 1:43 pm

      HI Leanne, apologies if this post didn’t fit with guidelines. My posts tend to be a humorous look at life/ the wider world, rather than personal. The Kardashian post is tongue in cheek – they are not really on my radar either 🙂 . Thanks for sharing. I’ve posted some comments on some links and shared some posts from #MLSTL Jill

  11. 14 February 2018 / 2:32 pm

    Absolutely love this “Don’t Give a Toss? Me Neither.”! LOL I don’t follow the hype of any of these overpaid celebrities. Quite frankly, there are more important things that should be in the news. 🙂 Thanks for laughs!

    B

    • 14 February 2018 / 2:37 pm

      Hey Bren, you’ve just made my Wednesday ! Delighted you enjoyed. Now I can back to ignoring all things Kardashian and Jenner 🙂 JIll x

  12. 14 February 2018 / 2:44 pm

    I vaguely know who the Kardashians are but really could give two hoots. lol Your post is a cute take on how crazy our world has become over a bunch of nobodies.

    • 14 February 2018 / 2:46 pm

      Spot on. Louis Vuitton bins!! It’s totally bonkers. Thanks for reading and commenting. Jill

  13. 14 February 2018 / 6:09 pm

    I indeed WAS disinterested until I read this… Your humor and writing style made me interested enough to continue because I love to laugh! You are great! So happy I found you.

    • 14 February 2018 / 6:11 pm

      Hi Teresa, thanx soooo much for your comment. Made my day! I now know enough about the Kardashians to last a lifetime 🙂 Delighted to hear you enjoyed. JIll x

  14. 14 February 2018 / 8:33 pm

    Hi Jill would you believe I have never watched the Kardashians? We do get it in Australia but it just isn’t my thing. I think they hold attention because how could people with no talent become so famous? Maybe I have time yet! Thanks for sharing at #MSTL and I saw Leanne’s comment and your reply. I appreciate your understanding of where we are coming from. I have shared on social media and thanks for sharing and commenting on others as well. Have a lovely day and now where do I find a big enough handbag – oh of course, I can buy one from the Kardashians LOL:)

    • 15 February 2018 / 7:18 am

      Hi Sue, thanks for popping on and commenting. ‘Celebrity’is so weird these days. I’ll keep poopin my to #MSTL and contribute if I have anything suitable. JIll

  15. 15 February 2018 / 2:35 am

    I’ve wondered what all the fuss is about. At least you made me laugh while you got me caught up. Thanks!

    • 15 February 2018 / 7:18 am

      Hey Christie, yeah I wondered what the fuss was about too. Now I know – and thanks enough Kardashians for one lifetime!! Thanks for commenting. JIll

  16. 16 February 2018 / 2:15 pm

    Hahaha definitely entertaining. Although, I’m secretly obsessed with their ability to market themselves and create an empire off of basically no skills… other than to market themselves. Sickeningly genius.

    • 16 February 2018 / 2:43 pm

      Hey Candice totally!! How they pulled that one off is pretty impressive!! Wish my blog had 1/100000000 of their following 🙂 THanks for popping on. JIll

  17. 16 February 2018 / 2:24 pm

    Hilarious!!!

  18. 17 February 2018 / 5:37 am

    Oh my gosh, this was amazing. I could care less about them but somehow I read your entire post (and even quoted a few lines to my hubby). This was perfect Friday night reading.

    • 17 February 2018 / 7:45 am

      Hey Lisa thanks so much. Great to know you (and hubby) enjoyed. It was interesting to write but that’s enough about the Khardashians for one lifetime !! Jill x

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