3 MINUTE READ
Does anyone else have all their best ideas at 3.17am? Not 3.16am or 3.18am but 3.17am… precisely.
3.17am is the moment that I wake from a lovely dream…generally, something along the lines of me and my new best friend Meghan Markle are cruising down The Rhine with President Macron and Rick Stein…with a fully formed idea for the best novel ever written (we’re talking a JK-Rowling-Knowing-The-Whole-Harry-Potter-Plot-Whilst-On-A-Train moment).
I’ll try and ignore it but more often than not that proves impossible and before I know it my brain is churning out idea after idea…
How cool would my bathroom look if it was painted pistachio
How to make the perfect Banana Muffins (WTF! – I’ve never eaten, never mind baked, a banana muffin in my life)
Endless ideas for blog posts, which I then fully compose in my head (like this one!)
How to bring about World Peace.
In my semi-conscious state I’m convinced that all these ideas are absolutely incredible and worry that I won’t remember them in the morning – and then I’ll be responsible for badly made Banana Muffins and the lack of World Peace, and how will I live with myself. So I end up fumbling about for my phone, and sending a Me to Me text.
Sometimes that’ll do the trick and I’ll get back to sleep but more often than not the brilliant ideas morph into
MINOR WORRIES
SERIOUS CONCERNS
HUGE POTENTIALLY DISASTROUS SCENARIOS
So in case, you are remotely interested, here’s a snapshot of my thoughts at 3.17am…
1. What if President Trumpety gets up for nocturnal pee-pee and some Very Very Very tweeting, stumbles, and lands on The Button and sets off The Bomb!
2. How did Big Little Lies finish again? I don’t remember the ending. Did someone die? Who?
3. Did I put the oven off?
4. I’m hungry
5 …and thirsty
6 …and where’s that bloody lip balm?
7. Why is that clock ticking so loudly?
Ignore It.
But every tick represents a second that I will never have back
Ignore it
…a second nearer death.
Ignore It.
The end is nigh.
Then I give in, get up and rip the battery from the clock
8. OMG I’ve got that New Business meeting tomorrow and pink is soooo the wrong colour for the Powerpoint presentation – it’s unprofessional and screams fluffy and will clash horribly with my tangerine blouse.
And my hair desperately needs washed.
Maybe I should wash it now?
Don’t be ridiculous.
Hold on, why exactly should I wash my hair for them anyway? It’s a crappy project and an even crappier fee and I probably won’t even get the job.
Actually, now I think about it, how dare they expect me to wash my hair!
I don’t even want their rotten business – they can shove their stupid project up their…BUT what about that credit card bill and my car going a bit flaky.
OMG I NEED this work.
9. What’s that throbbing pain in my big toe?
I’ve never had that before.
Did I stub it?
It feels serious.
Can you get cancer of the toe?
Then I’ll spend 10 minutes Googling Can you Get Cancer of the Big Toe
10. Kim Jong-un!!!!
11. What if HE stumbles on the way to the bathroom and sets off The Bomb!
12. When is my tax return due?
13. I wonder if Kim Jong-un has ever considered having his hair layered…and highlighted. Chestnut would work.
14. I need to get to the hairdresser.
Eventually, I’ll get back to sleep but next morning I’ll wake up looking and feeling as if I’ve been up all night swigging Tequila …and I’ve got a new business meeting in 90 minutes…and my hair needs washed…and I need to change the Powerpoint to Orange…and when I reach for my phone I find my Me to Me text which reads …
WORLD PEACE!!! Make contact wih sookja McDleejh and sfThomf aQNafka IMMEDTLY and send Rxasc to the ICna then INSTIGATE Xisey with ANGELINA Jolie; ADD raisins; wve q;OHI’EF + ENSURE the BANANAS r RIPE VITAL!!! Sent at 3.17am
The End
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Hilarious, Jill! Isn’t it weird how most of your senses can be on high alert in the middle of the night while your sense of perspective manages to dose through the whole thing?
Author
Ha.. totally and
in the morning it all seems so unimportant ! Jx
Are you watching me at night? This is so me, with the addition of “I can’t believe I said that to that person four years ago. How embarrassing!” And yes, cancer. Always cancer. 😂
Author
Hahaha that’s funny. Seems like deep down we’ve all got the same worries and they all appear at 3.17am!!! Thanx for commenting
Jill
As someone who this morning was awake at 4am I can relate to this. Great post!
Author
Hey Lucy thanks for that. Was at it again last night! Jill
Mine tend to be more 5.03am!
Author
Seems as good a time as any! Thanks for commenting Jx .
Hahaha love it!! I can totally relate as for the past two weeks I wake up (it’s 4:35am for me!) to the same song playing over and over and over and over!!!! It’s like I’ve got a rock band in the bedroom 😳 No world peace I’m afraid 🤪
Author
Hey Shelley – I am TOTALLY alert with a head full of ideas! Was at it again last night. So annoying !! Thanks for swinging by ! Jill x
I am so glad it is not just me…I am not alone at 3.17 and similar thoughts as well… Usually, I just read and if I really can’t I start to write which is fatal as then I oversleep or don’t sleep and then am tired by mid morning…No winning is there??
Author
No winning. However always good to know I’m not the only one working my way through random thoughts! Thanks JIll
Jill you are not alone. My husband has this a lot although he sends texts to me not himself to remind him to do a bazillion things the following day. My mind wanders and I start contemplating all sorts in the wee hours it’s very annoying thankfully it isn’t every night!
Author
Love the fact ur husband gets u to remind him – that’s a great idea! Had another bout of 3.17am ideas last night! Cheers ma dear, JIll x
Very funny and so true. I compose whole blogs in my head at 3am and then can’t remember a word of it in the morning!
Author
Hey Emma, great to know I’m not the only one!! Cheers for popping on and commenting. JIll
My eyes are streaming with tears, laughing at this post.
Okay, tell me you DID wash your hair before the big presentation 😉
As for Trump, we’re all doomed anyway, so that’s going to be a recurring nightmare, FYI. 😀
Author
😂. So pleased u enjoyed! Yes I gave in and washed my hair! Jill x
I really enjoyed this, Jill. And I’m not sure of the exact minute, but yes, I often get world-changing inspiration at 3-ish in the morning. The convictions are so strong they wake me out of a deep sleep. But by the time I have groped for my pen and notebook, which are always nearby in case of just such a moment, they’ve either gone, or I’ve lost the key threat. Most frustrating. Between the two of us, no wonder the world is in a mess! When my dream gained a name
Author
Hi Shirley thanks so much for commenting. I can go from DEEP sleep to fully alert in about 1/50th of a second! So annoying but delighted to know I am not the only one 🙂 One of these days one of us will remember the key to World Peace! Jill x
Just how my mid-night thoughts go!! Though I haven’t thought of calling the President, Trumpety, I like it!!
Author
Hahaha yes President Trumpety has a certain ring about it! Seems to be a lot of us with these whirring brains in the middle of the night. Good to know we are not alone!! JIllx
Awesome post! I’m glad that I’m not the only one who wakes up with crazy ideas! LOL!
Author
Hey Lisa, yes it’s good to know I’m not alone in my nocturnal brainwaves !! THanks for commenting. Jill x
Oh my God, this is so 100% me, it’s scary!
Author
Hahahaha Hayely almost everyone I know has bouts of this! I write whole blogs in my head and then forget them 🙂 Thanks for popping on . Jx
Ha ha ha ha ha! The me to me text made me howl! Mainly because it sounds so hysterically familiar. The actual time varies, but it’s usually 2 hours after I first go to sleep. And I use Apple Notes. Funnily enough, I’ve just finished one of my nocturnal crafting session projects in actual, technicolor real life! 😂
Author
Hey Sue that’s funny. I am so alert so quickly but then when I see my text in morning I realise I’m rambling on a lot of nonsence 🙂 Good luck with the real Technicolor one !! JIll
Hilarious! I’ve just come across you because you’ve followed my blog (why thank you!) so I’ve popped over to check you out – as you do. You are of the same mindset as me: not doling out life tips, not maudling on in self wallowing me, me, me essays and hoping to make fellow mufflers laugh! So, I’ve followed you back. Here’s to a long and funny relationship in the blogosphere! 😂
Bloody hell! Just read my comment…mufflers??? Midlifers! 😂😂😂
Author
Hahaha !
Author
Hey – you’ve just made my Monday. I spotted you and thought that’s my type of gal blogger. Yes the day I start handing out life tips or how to use mascara will be one sorry day for readers 🙂 Great to connect and I’ll look out for ur posts. JIll x
Author
Hey – you’ve just made my Monday. I spotted you and thought that’s my type of gal blogger. Yes the day I start handing out life tips or how to use mascara will be one sorry day for readers 🙂 Great to connect and I’ll look out for ur posts. JIll x
Oh Yes! Every single night! But a little closer to 0230.
Author
Ha! Thanks for commenting Cherie. Jill
Hilarious as always! I get half of these thoughts just after I leave the house and have to go back and check…
Author
Haha. Buzzing brains are soooo annoying sometimes 🙂 x
Love it. It doesn’t matter what medium we use to write down our 3:17 am thoughts, it all comes out as gobbly-gook.
Author
Totally but seem like the best idea in the world at 3.17am! Thanx for popping on JIll
Love it!! Especially the end text, so very true – you’ve captured it perfectly.
Author
Thanx Debbie x
Author
Hey Debbie thanks for that. Just made my morning. Jill
Fortunately my only middle of the night thoughts are how to stop my husband snoring without suffocating him – if the first idea I come up with doesn’t work, then suffocation begins to look like a viable option!
Leanne | http://www.crestingthehill.com.au
O for Open Your Eyes
Author
Haha. No suffocation please. 😂. Jill.