Now I admit I’m quite an extreme morning person. I don’t do eye-rubbing, stretching, adjusting to daylight or yawning. I certainly don’t do lie-ins. The second I’m awake, generally when dawn breaks and the birds start a’ chirping (we’re talking 4.40am in the summer) I’m like a whippet out of cage. I can go from REM sleep to saying the alphabet backwards, or doing my tax return, in about 60 seconds.
They say (who they… probably Google) that morning people are born in the morning and night people at night. Pile of piffle. I was born at 10.20pm and have never knowingly slept after 7.50am since I was 22.
I know that morning people are beyond annoying for non-morning people, but hold on a minute JUDGEY-NIGHT-PEOPLE, there are some major pluses to being a lovely lark…
- You’re always first in the queue at the post office
- You actually enjoy jet lag – it makes your sleep pattern more normal
- You can catch call-centres two seconds after they open, thus avoiding a 40 minute wait, listening to soft porn music, before speaking to someone who is completely demoralized after hours of listening to people moaning at them all day. I’ve been known to renegotiate my car insurance, switch utilities provider and have a perfectly pleasant chat with someone at Virgin Media, all before 8.45am.
Tip of the Day– Get Your Moan in Early.
- While your energy is sky-high you can cram in some exercise – ideally a 30 minute walk on a beautiful spring morning, when delivery guys are doing their rounds, joggers are hard at it, strangers mouth a morning and the world is, generally, coming to life.
- You can send out 11 emails before anyone is at their desk and by 9.30am, tuck in to a mid-morning snack and some Judge Judy waiting for responses
- When you encounter other morning people you have an immediate bond. A bit like UKIP-supporters or the Masons you can spot each other everywhere – a colleague replying to your sub-6.30am email – hey, didn’t know you were a morning person, that neighbor taking their bins out at 6.50am – a silent but knowing nod, or that woman with the lovely legging at the 7am yoga class –Namaste fellow weird morning person. Without a shared word you know the challenges they face in this world of non-morning-people, the derision of night people, waking at dawn and not having had a long-lie since 1986
Now the drawbacks
- Night people hate you
- You have lunch at 11.30am, dinner at 4.45, your brain turns to mush after 5.30 (you can’t say the alphabet forwards) and you’re ready for bed a 9.30.
- When you go on a weekend break with friends no-one wants to share a room with you – immediately taking you back to1979 and the humiliation of being last to be grudgingly picked for the school netball team
- You’ve never seen Graham Norton Live.
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