4 MINUTE READ
Did you see that photograph of Dolly Parton, Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda at the Emmys?
Not only do they look WAAAAAAAY better than they did 37 years ago (yep 37 – in the movie 9 to 5), but much more fun and mischevious.
No doubt there’s some Spanx action going on I’m guessing they’ve all had a little bit of work (love that euphemism) but Holy Septuagenarian, it’s still a bit of a jaw-dropper.
And it’s not just slebs who seem to have stopped aging. Pop into your local hairdresser/beauty parlour (and I love that term) and you’ll see your average hard-workin’, home-lovin’, child-rearin’ 53-year-old, almost-granny stepping out looking about 39.
Meantime all 37 year-olds look about 26 and 18 year-olds look – well actually, most of them look about 26 too.
It’s got me thinking…
Why does nobody look 47 anymore?
So, just in case you’re curious – here’s my theory…
No female sleb – not even The Queen or Olivia Coleman – looks their age. BUT that’s relatively new – check out photographs of yesteryear’s A-Listers when they reached their 40s, 50s, and 60s and beyond. Yeah, Joan Crawford, Judy Garland, Elizabeth Taylor had fancy fur coats, big makeup & hair and chihuahuas and had star written all over them – but basically, they all looked their age.
Now, well now we’ve got all these A- and B-Listers, right down to…well right down to the randoms on Celebrity Big Brother who look pretty amazing and get us mere mortals thinking …
Halle Berry is about my age and looks fantastic. I’m off to get my nails done.
If Helen Mirren* can rock it a bikini then I’m going for a brisk walk around the park and I’ll pass on that packet of Revels.
Well if Judy Dench can talk about sex in your 80s then I’m signing up for Tinder and getting my hair coloured.
Personally, I’ve taken a vow that as long as Madonna continues to gyrate on stage with male dancers 35 years her junior, then I’m going to keep shaving my legs, tinting my eyelashes and going to yoga.
Remember the olden days when getting ready for a big night out (Out Out) took about 20 minutes – brush hair, apply makeup, get dressed. Now, jeez, it’s a 10-day countdown – exercise, juice detox (remember how much fun that was!), plumping, slimming, eyebrows, shave legs, fake tan, blow dry, corn plasters. You need a spreadsheet, a planning app and….
All of the above plus good underwear (vital), a great haircut and regular trips to the gym costs £££££££
In our grandmother’s day women would quietly pass on their beauty secrets to each other like…brush your hair 100 times each night to make it shine or Right Betty, pinch your cheeks, we’re off to the dancin’
Now, well there’s information overload.
Of course, we all know the basics…
Water is good
Sleep is very good
Stress is bad
Alcohol is very bad
But if there’s something specific we want to sort then the answer can be found with the tap of the keyboard –
Want to get rid of your bingo wings in 14 days?.
Need to lose 4 lbs in 2 weeks?
Fancy rockin’ Drag Queen makeup?
Ermmm not really
DO THIS ANYWAY
No, don’t switch off because I’ve used the S word.
We should all get down on our knees and thank those clever, white-coated people, who understood how to use Bunsen Burners in school, for giving us teeth whitening, gel nails, GHDs, Spanx and all those makeup products & beauty treatments, most of us don’t know what to do with – highlighter, shiner, brow gel, eye-lash perms (WTF), primer, highlighter,, shiner, de-shiner and the endless brushes. Not to mention botox, filler, peels and all the other secrets of the aesthetician’s box of tricks.
And while we are here… can I just take a moment to personally thank the genius who invented hair serum. Thank you.
So even if you just adopt a few of these techniques for a night out or a trip to your local high street, you’ll whip 10 years off your age. And that, dear reader, is why no-one looks 47 anymore.
*If Helen Mirren happens to be reading, can you please DM me your secrets. I won’t tell anyone. Promise!
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