What’s a 1 day Juice Detox REALLY like

What’s a 1 day Juice Detox REALLY like

 5 Minute Read

Forget the economy, the last month or two has seen my Pizza, Prosecco and Victoria Sponge consumption on the rise …and, surprise, the scales aren’t far behind
Tea and cake

Time for some decisive action!

So, when I read The Juice Garden’s One Day Cleanse (£22) questions…

Do I want to-

Reset some of my less healthy eating habits.

Kick start a healthy weight loss programme.

Naturally increase my energy levels.

Increase my sleep quality.

Improve my complexion and skin quality.

Start a healthier lifestyle, daily regime and way of thinking.

…I found myself shouting, YES. YES. YES. YES. YES. YES

So, what’s a 24 hour JUICE Cleanse REALLY like…(clue it rhymes with bell and begins with H)

Here’s how the 24 hours played out…

6.45am

Woke up motivated (and a wee bit hungry). As usual, I had a hot water with lemon juice & honey and made a To-Do List for the day, then like a true athlete, nay , Olympian, I donned some lycra and shadow boxed my way to The Juice Garden  to pick up my order (you need to order 48 hours in advance – I guess it’s a bit like getting hitched or signing up for Sky – you need a cooling off period before fully committing)

.

Once there The Juice Meister (who seemed a bit lethargic for someone who provides energy-giving juices…although I was quite early) tracked down my order and presented me with 3 HUGE bags packed containing 18 x 500ML bottles of juice – that’s 9 litres of JUICE.

ME: Ermmm that seems like rather a lot of liquid

THE JUICE MEISTER: No it’s fine. You just replace a meal with one JUICE.

ME (thinking) I know I am prone to snacking but I don’t need 18 meal replacements 

 Then I spotted Monday. Tuesday Wednesday on the bags. Jeez – they’d put me down for a scary sounding 3-day Seasonal Cleanse.

Once I’d talked my way out of Detox Hell The JM gave 4 x 500ml litres of rather pleasantly coloured JUICES and told me to drink (slowly) one juice as a replacement for each meal, and if I was really hungry (I was) I could also have a light soup, salad,  a herbal tea or some water (gee thanks).   No tea. No coffee. No alcohol.

Jack Easy – right. Ermmmm no. Read on….

8.45am

By the time I arrived home– what with being stressed at the prospect of having to consume 9 litres of JUICE in one day, coupled with the 30 minutes walk and having to carry 2 litres of JUICE home – I was starving.

Would it be VERY wrong to have the soup for breakfast?

YES, it would be very wrong.

Breakfast

So I duly opened The House JUICE (Apple, Orange, Carrot, Beetroot, Ginger & Lime), which was a rather fetching deep purple and poured into a nice glass and took a tentative sip. Hmmm. Not exactly scrambled eggs on toast and a double espresso, but perfectly pleasant.

I managed to stretch it out for about 20 minutes while I did some work.

10.30am

I wasn’t exactly feeling hungry … more sort of dissatisfied. Normally, I‘d be on my second coffee and perhaps a biscuit.

I made a cup of mint tea – very poor substitute – and cracked on with some more work

11.28am

Craving a nice George Clooney Nespresso

Starting to get a headache.

11.50am

Feeling hungry. Poured half a bottle of Pear-Minted (Pear, Mint & Pineapple) into another glass and sipped…nice-ish I suppose. Quite minty.

Head Thumping

Head bursting like Simon’s

12.30pm

Walked to the Post Office then continued walking as it was taking my mind off food. Ended up in Marks & Spencer to buy tomorrow’s breakfast – nothing like planning ahead – drooled over the deli counter and sniffed the bakery area

1.30pm

Home. Finished off old MINTY drawers

2.02pm

Suddenly I was EXHAUSTED – like I’d been stuck down with a bad case of Bird Flu or someone had just hit me with a cattle prod (eh!).

Headache. Getting. Worse.

2.23pm

SOOOOOOUP

Had half a pot of Tomato and Basil soup which was tasty but decidedly unsatisfying, then tried to do some more work.

My concentration was shot. I starting to feel like an oxygen-starved mountaineer ascending Everest or a deep-sea diver with the bends…ok exaggerating a bit but I was beyond tired.

How was I going to get through the next 18 hours!!

2.31pm

Remembered I had a voucher for a massage friends had given me for my birthday. Booked for later

 3.23pm

Had to lie down on the office floor (just as well I work from home)

3.39pm

Back in front of the Mac.  Re-read the same email 3 times and still couldn’t make sense of it…and I’d written it.

4.05pm

Opened the Afternoon JUICE or was it the Dinner one (I was losing track) Black Lemonade (Activated Charcoal – yikes, Apple, Lemon & Mint) – which was a rather murky black. I had a sip. It wasn’t awful. It was just MORE JUICE and I really had enough liquid inside me to las a week. I could only manage 1/3 of it.

5.30pm

Massage. Bliss. I zoned out and forgot about my headache and solid food until I remembered that I’d forgotten to feed the parking meter.

Jeez – where was my brain.

I spent the last 20 minutes of the massage wondering if the masseur would mind awfully if I wrapped a towel around me and ran out to the street to feed the meter…but I couldn’t seem to form the words.

6.41pm

Home (without a parking ticket – the Juice Gods were on my side). Feeling hungry. Opened the final JUICE, Sweet & Melo (Watermelon, Mint, Lime & Strawberry) – and sipped….

blurggg

It wasn’t unpleasant, in fact in other circumstances it’d be a lovely refreshing JUICE – but a lovely refreshing JUICE was about the last thing in the world I wanted. Managed about a 1/4 of it.  Watched a CSI re-run but couldn’t follow the plot.

7.38pm

Went to bed. Head thumping. Googled…Can you Die of a Coffee Headache

Read. Groaned Dozed. 

9ish

Zzzzzzzzzzz- slept like a baby

6.45am

GOOD MORNIN’

Headache gone

I looked in the mirror…

Did my eyes look brighter.  YES

Tummy flatter. YES

Skin more luminescent-esque-ish (or whatever that word is). YES

I put on my specs.

Hot damn, I needed a coffee – although, weirdly enough, I wasn’t particularly hungry.

An hour or so later I slowly and lovingly made breakfast yogurt and thinly sliced strawberries and a sprinkle of granola …which truly was the most delicious thing I’ve ever eaten

The Good Bits

The Morning After

I wasn’t actually particularly hungry – except at mealtimes – and that passed in 10 minutes

I felt great for the next few days

Slept well

My eyes did actually look brighter and I felt lighter

The challenge of doing it

Lost a pound or so

Breakfast and tuning into how good food tasted when it was over

The Bad Bits

I realised what a coffee addict I am (normally I have 2 or 3 coffees and 1 tea each day)

Felt Grumpy: Food = Happiness

Bored

I missed eating – actual physical eating

Exhausted

Spaced Out/No concentration

Headache from Hell

Fancy trying it?   Here are some tips…

Try and reduce tea and coffee intake a few days before to make the withdrawal less acute

Get some wildly interesting herbal teas (does Gin and Tonic exist?)

Try and choose a sunny day (it rained all day for me) so you can at least enjoy a walk

Be realistic – start with 1 day cleanse and if you don’t DIE you could try something more intensive

If you feel really ill or faint STOP and eat something

Maybe do with a friend so you can commiserate and cry together

Ideally, avoid a work-day and don’t plan to do anything strenuous – it’s exhausting (or maybe I’m just a JUICE WUSS)

Try and fit in a treat – a massage, nails, a swim, sauna – something that will take your mind off JUICE!

Stock up on Nurofen

THE END

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12 Comments

  1. 10 June 2017 / 9:43 pm

    This is hilarious! I think this would be me if I did a juice cleanse… the closest I’ve ever got is a smoothie, (before a baguette)!

    • Jill
      10 June 2017 / 9:47 pm

      Ha! Thanx Hannah. Delighted u enjoyed. X

  2. 29 March 2018 / 10:06 am

    Hilarious! But laughing WITH you not at you… promise. 😉

    Would be happy to provide scientific articles to the effect of “juice cleanses are not good for you”… you know, just so you never have to go through that hell again.

    But I’m just biased because I love coffee.

    • 29 March 2018 / 10:11 am

      Hey Amelia, NEVER AGAIN! The coffee stays!! Great to know you enjoyed. Jill

  3. 29 March 2018 / 10:14 am

    Gosh, I am never going to try this 😉 I would die within the first two hours 😉 You are an ace! For even trying. I would be like Simon Cowell in that GIF all day long 😀

    • 29 March 2018 / 10:58 am

      It was a while back but yeah I remember that headache and exhuastion. Never again!! x

  4. 29 March 2018 / 10:16 am

    I felt the pain! Do the pounds stay off?

    • 29 March 2018 / 10:57 am

      NO! Never again. I need coffee and real food too much!

  5. 29 March 2018 / 10:25 am

    Um, you didn’t mention anything about raging diarrhea. That’s a good thing of course. But, my fear of doing a juice cleanse is the “cleansing” that the juice may do to my system. I would be afraid to go for a lovely walk for fear of pooping my pants! Am I the only one with these concerns??

    • 29 March 2018 / 10:56 am

      Funny! Was a while back but can’t remember any major incidents in that department 🙂 x

  6. 29 March 2018 / 4:21 pm

    When I was training to be a yoga teacher they had us fast using the Master Cleanse. NEVER again. I didn’t even last through the second day because it was so awful. These juices sound so much nice.

    • 29 March 2018 / 4:23 pm

      Master cleanse sounds terrifying! Thanks for popping on. Jill

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