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13 Things Only Midlifers Know

13 Things Only Midlifers Know

4 Minute Read

As Oscar Wilde was prone to saying With Age Comes Wisdom… I suspect he just might have been referring to some of these little ol’ Midlife nuggets…

1.Reading Glasses Are Your New BFF

They are the midlife equivalent of Cocaine. Whip out a pair in a restaurant and friends and strangers will gather around to ask if they can have a go. NB – avoid zany leopard print ones at all costs. Simple black oval ones suit everyone.

2.You Need To Up-Size Your Knickers

Despite being the same height and weight and dress size you need to buy bigger pants. Something down south has got wider or longer or fatter. FACT. Don’t fret. Nothing can be done about it.

3. You’ve Got Enough Stuff

12 pairs of shoes.  CHECK.

4 pairs of jeans. CHECK

A car. CHECK.

A home. CHECK.

2 coats & 4 jackets. CHECK.

A fancy mobile phone. CHECK

3 white shirts and 18 white t-shirts (or is that just me) CHECK.

A huge telly. CHECK.

A dog. CHECK.

Seriously people, it’s time for us to…STOP BUYING STUFF.

Personally, I’d un-ban plastic straws (they are great for stirring Gin and Tonics) and impose a ban on buying crappy Fast Fashion tops that cost less than a bottle of wine: Someone somewhere along that production process is being seriously exploited.

4.You Don’t Have Enough Experiences

No one does…not even Elton John. So when someone asks what you want for Christmas, Birthday, or a Leaving Pressie, ask for an experience…A Night at the Ballet . A Guided River Swim, with Hans the Wild Nature Swimmer.  Touring The North Coast 500 with some friendly Hells Angels.

5. You’re Much Wiser And Grumpier Than You Were In Your 20s

You’ve learned tons along the way – including you don’t have to be nice to everyone all the time, in fact, you don’t have to be nice to anyone any of the time.

6. You Can’t Change Anyone

We first heard about this in our 20s (ok Smart Ass, in your teens) and tried to put it in to action in our 30s but it’s only in Midlife, when you’ve witnessed the same person doing the same annoying thing 3089 times and you’ve pointed out that it’s stupid 3089 times, that you finally realise that it’s true – you can’t change anyone.

7. You’ll Never Understand Pensions

…but you’re highly f@cked off with everyone involved in the industry who creams off your money faster than they can shout, Another Bottle of Krug, Henri, including the UK Government, which quietly hiked women’s pension age by 7 years, and effectively nicked £60,000+ from the all midlife women. Ah, I feel much better now.

Which leads us nicely on to… 

8. Life Is Fundamentally Unfair

Someone always has it easier than you (I’m thinking along the lines of Ivanka Trump and Princess Eugenie) and someone has always has it harder. Once you accept this brutal fact, life, and reading the Daily Mail Online, becomes much less annoying.

9. No One Is All Good Or Bad

but some are bad-er than others – especially the ones who do the same stupid thing 3089 times.  Best to avoid them. Or ignore them. Or stop noticing. Or love them anyway and accept the fact they are really annoying.

10.Removing Unwanted Hair Is A Time-consuming, But Ultimately Satisfying, New Hobby.

11. Interesting People Are Generally More Fun Than Beautiful People.

Sometimes they are the same people – but that’s rare because when you’re young and beautiful there’s no time to do things that make you interesting as you’re too busy wafting about accepting compliments.

12. Sometimes You Think You Can Still Dance The Way You Did In Your 20s

…but you can’t

13. That Creaking Noise When You Walk Up The Stairs Isn’t The Floorboard – it’s Your Knee

The End

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8 Comments

  1. Linda Duncan McLaughlin
    24 August 2019 / 10:51 am

    Welcome back, Jill!

    Lx

    • Jill
      Author
      24 August 2019 / 11:07 am

      Thanx Linda. Good to be writing again xx

  2. 24 August 2019 / 12:24 pm

    Oh Jill, I loved reading that!
    Creeping into that particular era now, i was nothing away and smiling..
    Just bought a new set of ‘larger’ pants too. Not, don’t get feel better… And comfortingly hold my mumny tummy like a gentle hug, rather than constricting me, it making me think I may cut myself in half!

    • Jill
      Author
      24 August 2019 / 12:30 pm

      Thanks so much Ritu. Lovely to hear from u. I had a long break from blogging – just couldn’t seem to find the time but it’s great to be back. Where do u guys ‘hang out’ now ? Any FB Twitter groups u would recommend ? ? X ps. Big Pants are it!!

  3. Holly
    24 August 2019 / 3:24 pm

    We’ve missed you ! Welcome back.

    • Jill
      Author
      24 August 2019 / 4:39 pm

      Thank u !! X

  4. 24 August 2019 / 4:27 pm

    Welcome back Jill I have missed your sense of humour.

    • Jill
      Author
      24 August 2019 / 4:41 pm

      Hey Rachael thanks. Where do u guys ‘hang out ‘ on FB and Twitter now.? Am I right in thinking u have a wee baby?. Awww 🥰 xx

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