5 MINUTE READ
GALS, feel free to print out, highlight the bits that you like, then leave it near the toilet for him to read…it’ll save him a lot of stressing and you, a lot of disappointment.
Hello Boys. News flash – Christmas is coming and you know what that means.
Yep, you need to go shopping. No, don’t get scared. With my Gift Buying Guide you’ll sail through it and be enjoying a nice pint of lager and Waching Match of the Day within a couple of hours, having snapped up a gift that your missus will LOVE.
So here goes.
Tune In To Hints From November Onwards
An efficient woman (and let’s be honest most of us are) will start hinting about what she wants for Christmas in mid to late November.
Your job is to tune in to those hints.
These are Hints…
When you return home from a night out with friends and she says….Did you notice Amy’s earrings? They are beautiful. I love diamond stud earrings.
She is flicking through a magazine exclaims, loudly ….OMG.. Mulberry (that’s a company that makes bags) has the Lily (that’s a style of bag – they are often called woman’s names) in Dark Frozen (that’s a colour). It’s sooooo gorgeous.
As you head out to the supermarket she nonchalantly remarks. My winter coat is getting really tired looking. I really need a new one. Fifteen minutes later, as she squeezes a cantaloupe melon, she says …I love red coats. Then the next morning she says, rather randomly…Whistles have some really lovely coats
These Are NOT Hints…
That sodding toaster is on the blink again
The vacuum cleaner is f*cked
I really need to get some anti-freeze for my car
DO NOT Shop Online
…unless you are super-organised.
If you think you can rock up to your laptop on the 22nd of December, order that red coat from Whistles and it will arrive all nicely gift wrapped on Christmas Eve… sorry buster, you are sadly mistake
1. It will be sold out
2. Unless you order before the 1st of December it’s highly likely that it won’t arrive until the 3rd of January – which, incidentally is known as Divorce Day by solicitors, as it’s the most popular date for splitting up. Now you know why.
3. Even if, by some miracle, the coat is available and can be delivered on time – who exactly is going to be in to receive the parcel?
Repeat after me..I Will Not Go Shopping on Christmas Eve
Why not? I hear you grumble.
Let’s put it this way… imagine you had a ticket for the Cup Winners Cup Winners Cup Cup Final… would you set off for the match 5 minutes before the games kicks off?
No you would not!!
Well Christmas shopping is EVEN MORE IMPORTANT.
Christmas Eve shopping is horrible. You will want to cry. You are better than that.
Always Buy a Woman Something That Can Be Worn After Dark
No we’re not talking winceyette pyjamas and slippers. Think – jewellery, handbags, perfume, makeup and TASTEFUL sleepwear
Go Easy on The Underwear
If you can pull off the right colour, size and fabric then you’ve got my vote for Man of the Year.
Here are some pointers –
A red & black combo rarely works. Black, white and creams are safe choices
Fabric is important. Silk is always a winner. Anything that is likely to create static is a no no.
If you do find yourself in the underwear department NEVER use the word panties. It’s verging on pervy. Pants is better.
Ditto on Clothes and Shoes
If you know what she likes – the store, her size (no guessing) and colour then go for it. But, just to be on the safe side, get a gift receipt – then she can go and pick something she really likes.
Surprises Are Great…Within Reason
If you have arranged a surprise long weekend to Tenerife – well done. 10/10. But don’t expect her to fly off on Boxing Day.
Do you really think we are sitting about in the depth of winter beach-body-ready, with perfectly gelled nails, exfoliated bodies and waxed bikinis?
I know you probably didn’t understand all of that last sentence, but basically it takes a woman a bit of time to get ready for a break…give her at least 4 days notice.
Do not buy a gift that YOU secretly want.
Think you can get away with palming off that giant telly as her Christmas gift? You can’t. She will know. Same goes for a La-Z-Boy chair or a year ‘s subscription to Golf Monthly. In fact the same goes for ANYTHING WITH A PLUG – unless she has specifically requested a new laptop, GHD Hairdryer or Nespresso machine
WARNING: Do NOT be tempted to buy anything that smacks of improving the woman in your life.
Yes we might go on about out weight, hair, fitness wrinkles but that DOES NOT MEAN we want anything with Age–Defying written on it OR anything to do with Hair Removal or Weight Loss. As for an (unasked for) gym membership or voucher for Botox – are you certifiable?
On A Budget? You’re on to a Winner.
You can still be romantic on a budget. In fact you can be even more romantic.
So…find a lovely photograph of you together (keep it clean) get yourself down to the local Snappy Snaps, buy a frame and get a print made. The nice girl in the shop will put it all together for you. All you have to do is put it in a gift bag with a tag that says To The Love of My LIfe.
It will cost you less than a tenner and I PROMISE it will go down a storm.
Other inexpensive gifts that will never go wrong include candles, a book by her favourite author, hand cream, a voucher for a pamper at the local beauty place, flowers, a DVD of the first movie you ever saw together, a calendar with your significant dates (date you met, married, birthdays) highlighted. You get the picture.
So there you have it – Christmas Sorted.
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