2 Minute Read
Where We’d Meet…
The Russian Tea Room in New York. It’s dark, Eastern European and just around the corner from Trump Tower…but far from Washington and The Donald.
We’d settle ourselves into a discrete red velvet booth at the back.
What We’d Wear…
Melania would be a vision in silk, cashmere, and fur, whilst I’d channel my inner Jackie Kennedy with a slightly-too-tight powder blue dress suit, a nifty little pillbox hat, bare legs, a matchy-matchy bag and killer (as in, I think they might kill me) heels, full coverage foundation and no expense spared on the eye-liner front.
It’s Winter. It’s New York. It’s sub-zero. And I’m rockin’ Springtime in Paris Drag Queen.
What We’d eat and Drink…
We’d each have a glass of Krug (well, it is a fantasy dinner) then Melania would start with Tea Room Salad, while I’d opt for the full-fat Mixed Sausage. We’d then ask the head waiter to ply us with his recommendations from the Vodka and Caviar Tasting Menu. Melania would pass on the dessert but I’d go for Czar’s Gold and Caviar Parfait, complete with edible 24-carat gold. It would seem rude not to.
3 Things I’d Ask…
Q1. What first attracted you to billionaire, Donald Trump?*
Q2. Are you ok? It’s just you seem to look sorta uncomfortable a lot of the time, especially when The Donald is about and I couldn’t help but notice your face fell at the inauguration after he turned to talk to you.
Q3. Is there any chance you could delete his Twitter App every evening, or maybe just hide his phone when he drops off to sleep?
*Inspired by the late, great Caroline Aherne