As we kick off a new year I thought this would be a good time to say sorry to all the call centre operatives that I was sarcastic to or, if I am honest, downright rude to, in 2017.
It wasn’t me…it was my inner sulky 15-year-old, complete with resting bitch face.
And it certainly wasn’t you…I know you’re on a crappy zero hour contract and paid shitty minimum wage and they monitor how many times you go to the toilet. Frankly, I am amazed you can be so nice and chirpy when I call – I suspect you must seriously hit the tequila at weekends.
It IS, however, them, your bonus-obsessed CEO and his team who have sanctioned treating their customers like inconvenient numpties and making you work to a script full of sorry for your inconvenience, I can feel our pain….and is it ok if I call you, Jill.
So here goes with the apologies…
SORRY to all the British Airways people who I spoke to when they lost my suitcase for 3 days
Sorry that on Day 3 without a change of clothes I called (for the fifth time) and shouted I NEED FRESH PANTS NOW before you could ask for my Lost Baggage Reference Number.
And sorry I called back an hour later and to say that there was life-saving medicine in my suitcase and that if I die it’s your fault. I was lying. I did have some cough sweets in my make up bag but I could live without them for a couple of days.
Yes, I am sorry….BUT CAN YOU PLEASE TELL YOUR BOSS THAT IF YOU LOSE SOMEONE’S LUGGAGE YOU SHOULD FIND IT AND GET IT TO THEM WITHIN 24 HOURS and UPGRADE THEM TO FIRST CLASS FOR LIFE and GIVE THEM LOTS OF MONEY FOR ALL THE THINGS THEY HAVE HAD TO BUY WITHOUT THEM HAVING TO KEEP RECEIPTS AND FILL IN A HORRIBLY COMPLICATED CLAIM FORM.
SORRY to the Scottish Power person I called when my electricity bill soared by a whopping 28% and I said, rather sarcastically, “Do you think my middle name is Blackpool Illuminations.”
I know you were only doing your job when you explained the price hike was due to oil prices in Russia, or something like that.
Sorry, it was childish…BUT CAN YOU PLEASE TELL YOUR BOSS THAT IT’S NOT RIGHT TO HIKE UP ELECTRICITY AND GAS BILL BY 28% AND FORCE BUSY PEOPLE TO SHOP AROUND AND FIND THE SAME SEVICE FOR WAY CHEAPER FROM A COMPETITOR, NOT TO MENTION OLDER PEOPLE, WHO DON’T HAVE THE WHEREWITHAL TO CALL YOU AND NEGOTIATE. AND, WHILE I’M AT IT, YOU DON’T DESERVE YOUR EYE-WATERING BONUS.
And SORRY to the Aviva Car Insurance guy that I was cheeky to when you told me that the reason my car insurance was jumping up 20+% was something else to do with Russia, or maybe it was China, and that people who live in my postcode are probably having more accidents and car thefts.
I should have accepted your word instead of questioning how this could be the case when –
1/I hadn’t made any claims
2/ My car is not worth much in the first place and certainly worth less than it was a year ago…and then added, totally unnecessarily, “have you actually heard of depreciation?”
Yes I am sorry…BUT CAN YOU TELL YOUR BOSS TO STOP RIPPING PEOPLE OFF AND EXPECTING YOUR LOYAL CLIENTS TO SUBSIDISE CLAIMS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH US. YOU’RE AN INSURANCE COMPANY AND IT’S YOUR JOB TO INSURANCE THINGS, AND PAY UP WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG AND NOT PASS THE COST ON TO OTHER CLIENTS.
…AND PS I HAVEN’T HEARD OF A CAR RADIO BEING NICKED SINCE 1999
SORRY to the Bank of Scotland gal who I spoke to (after hanging on for 25 minutes listening to Pharrell Williams’ belting out Happy ) about being locked out of online banking.
Sorry that after you very politely explained that your system was slow because it was Monday, I asked you to Bear With Me while I looked for some my bank account details when in actual fact I was making a cup of tea and eating a digestive biscuit, trying, rather immaturely, to get revenge.
Sorry. BUT CAN YOU TELL YOUR BOSS TO IMPROVE THEIR STUPID SYSTEM SO IT WORKS ON A BUSY MONDAY MORNING
And finally, SORRY to the Vodafone person who couldn’t get a word in before I snapped that I had wasted 20 minutes earlier in the day going through security only to be told that the call centre wasn’t open yet.
Sorry. BUT CAN YOU TELL YOUR BOSS TO SORT OUT THEIR SODDING SYSTEM SO YOU DON’T BUGGER UP PEOPLE’S MORNING UP BY ASKING FOR THEIR BUDGIE’S NAME (Biggles, as it happens) AND THEIR NICKNAME AT SCHOOL (Carrot Heid) ONLY TO TELL THEM THE CALL CENTRE DOES NOT OPEN TILL 8AM.
I think that went rather well. Now, I am going to be much nicer in 2018.
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