The 10 Friends Every Midlife Woman Needs

The 10 Friends Every Midlife Woman Needs


Remember at school when you had a Best Friend (or BFF as they say nowadays). Mine was Karen Berry.  We must have made an odd-looking pair – she was small for her age and looked like Snow White and all the boys liked her and wanted to carry her school bag.   I was unfeasibly tall for a 10-year old, with a HUGE amount of bright red hair and freckles and didn’t look like any fairytale heroines. And I liked to hit boys with my school bag, as a sign of affection.

Karen and I would giggle and whisper as we discussed the merits of marrying David Cassidy vis a vis Donny Osmond (I still think Donny was a better bet) and if anyone tried to muscle in on our friendship we’d close ranks.

As I’ve…ermmm, matured I’ve realised it’s unrealistic to expect one pal to fulfill all your friendship needs and discovered how great it is to have a mixed bunch of friends who each bring something different to the party.

Friends in Midlife

So here’s The Dream Team of Midlife Friends…

The Good Time Gal – the one you can tell ANYTHING to and no matter what the problem is, she’ll suggest Tequila as the solution. Never knowingly underdressed, she loves a bit of diamanté and spending time with her always makes you feel better. But sometimes you just want to quietly lick your wounds and then it’s time to pop round to see…

The Mum – the one you can tell ANYTHING to and she’ll pat you on the arm, make you up a bed on the couch, then bring you a tray with homemade soup & bread and a pot of tea & chocolate on it, and watch an old movie with you in silence. But sometimes you really want some advice, and it’s time to hook up with…

The Wise One – the one you can tell ANYTHING to and she will give you the benefit of her wisdom. Often it’s great advice. And often you take it. But sometimes you don’t want advice you just want to share a problem and that’s when it’s time to spill your guts to…

The One That Your Secret Is Safe With – the one you can tell ANYTHING to and she won’t ever bring it up again and will never ever share it with anyone, not even if she was being waterboarded. But the downside is she never gossips, which can be a bit boring…so then it’s time to catch up with…

The Gossip – the one you CAN’T tell ANYTHING to because she will immediately share it in a WhatsApp Group and hint about it on Facebook. But she’s great to shoot the breeze with and discuss who is doing what, with whom, and why they shouldn’t be.

The 10 Friends Every Midlife Woman Needs

I’m always doing this with friends

So now that you’ve got that problem off your chest it’s time to spend some time with…

The one from the 1980s who remembers when you were The Queen of the Disco There’s nothing like having a friend who remembers when you were 18 and every outfit you wore featured leopard print and stilettos and you were in love with whatshisname – that guy who sang in that band.

The Coach – the one who pushes you to do things – go to the gym, cook a soufflé, learn Spanish, She emails you articles that might help and affirmations like A Mountain Is There To Be Climbed and hugs you as she tells you that you’re capable of ANYTHING and sends you an appropriate greeting card when you do SOMETHING.

The cool one who is fun to go shopping with. She reads Vogue and knows what Statement Sleeves are and will steer you away from that leopard print top and nudge you towards the Muted Mocha  (THE colour of the season) one. She’ll give you a voucher for a makeup lesson as a birthday gift and suggest lunch in the latest bistro in town.

The one who shares your passion. NO!!… we are not talking threesomes!! This is the one will happily talk to you for hours about the thing you both love doing – whether it’s yoga, or mountain climbing or daytime drinking. At the moment I’m a blogging bore but fortunately I’ve got two new blogging pals –  Naomi  (The Naomi Narrative) is in her mid 20s and Joyce (Grandma Williams) is 83 and when we meet we can happily rattle on for hours about SEO and Widgets and Plugins and How to use Yoast (don’t ask me, I haven’t a clue) – which saves me boring the pants off everyone else.

And finally, there’s The Event Organiser  She can be a bit of a pain in the ass – always organising stuff and bossing you about and frowning if you’re late, and she always seems to be in the charge of the Kitty Purse and…oh!! I think that might be me.

So there you have it…The Dream Team of Midlife Friends.  You might be lucky and have one friend (or partner) who fulfils a few of those roles but it would take one helluva gal (or guy) to fill them all.

Any gal pal archetypes I’ve missed?  

What type of friend are you?


Don’t miss a trick – tune in every Saturday for more randomness & unsolicited advice – or better still, sign up for Updates (above right).  You’ll also find me on…

Twitter @MidlifeSmarts





  1. 11 November 2017 / 8:58 am

    I loved This! I sat here mentally assigning my friends to these categories!

    • 11 November 2017 / 8:59 am

      Hey Ritu… Thanks for that. It’s good to have a healthy mix 🙂 Jx

  2. 11 November 2017 / 9:04 am

    So I haven’t got to midlife yet, but it looks like I need to gather more friends to fill all these positions!

    • 11 November 2017 / 9:05 am

      Hey Lauren thanks for reading and commenting. One friend can fill a few roles 🙂 x

      • 19 November 2017 / 11:01 am

        I agree… my gf fills all… hahah

    • 19 November 2017 / 10:57 am

      😂…im thinking the same thing…

    • 11 November 2017 / 9:20 am

      Hey Rosie thanks for reading and commenting. Hopefully I’ve not offended any friends 🙂 Jill x

  3. 11 November 2017 / 9:18 am

    Interesting! I feel women can have more than types of friends!

    • 11 November 2017 / 9:20 am

      Hey there – thanks for reading and commenting. Good point! I’d love to read about men’s friendships. Jill

  4. 11 November 2017 / 9:38 am

    This is great, you’ve hit the nail on the head about the friendship types! It got me thinking about my fellow students on my course and there’s actually one we call “mum” as she’s very practical and makes sure people are where they need to be during the day!

    • 11 November 2017 / 9:51 am

      Oh thanks for that. A ‘mum’ friend is great – always looking after you 🙂 Have a good day x

    • 7 December 2017 / 10:03 am

      Aw I love the ‘mum’ people. We all need them ❤

      • 7 December 2017 / 10:21 am

        Totally Gloria. Not matter what age we are. 🙂

  5. 11 November 2017 / 9:59 am

    I don’t think this is just for midlife. Really relate to this post a lot. I think I have friends who cover prettt much everything on this list.

    • 11 November 2017 / 10:01 am

      Hey Rachael I totally agree. Friends have been an important part of my life at all ages. Thanks for reading and commenting. x

    • 19 November 2017 / 11:03 am

      Luckily my forever friend covers this list🙈 id have been in trouble if she didn’t 😊

      • 19 November 2017 / 11:11 am

        Haha. Yes it’s great when one friends covers off most of the roles. Jx

  6. 11 November 2017 / 10:46 am

    You know, guys also have this group of friends too and I wouldn’t trade them for the world!

    • 11 November 2017 / 10:53 am

      Oh that’s good to hear. And I was thinking you all just got together to shout at football (soccer!) 🙂 Thanks for reading and commenting

  7. 11 November 2017 / 11:17 am

    I’m not entirely sure which category I fall into! I’ll have to check with my buddies lol.😂 We’ll have fun discussing this later!

    • 11 November 2017 / 11:23 am

      Ha! I think I fit 3 or 4 ! Meeting friends for lunch later so I’ll ask them. Thanks for reading and commenting.

  8. 11 November 2017 / 11:26 am

    Nice post! I, too was comparing my friends to the list. It’s so accurate! And I think you nailed it when you said that one friend can’t possibly give you every single thing you need. Makes sense to have a number of different besties.

    • 11 November 2017 / 11:42 am

      Hey Teresa yes having a mix of friends is fab. Cheers for reading and commenting

  9. Stuart
    11 November 2017 / 11:36 am

    Another great blog, Jill. The only reason you didn’t look like a fairy tale heroine was that ”Brave” was still some thirty-odd years off in the future!!

    The equivalent list for guys is:

    1. The one who’s available right now to go for a beer
    2. Err… That’s it.

    • 11 November 2017 / 11:41 am

      Haha. And yes the Brave girl with all that hair!! x

  10. 11 November 2017 / 12:15 pm

    Great blog! About to share with my friends so we can discuss which ones we are. I’m just getting into blogging. This was an inspiration to keep going!

    • 11 November 2017 / 12:16 pm

      Hey Barbara thanks for your lovely comment. I am quite new to blogging too – started earlier this year. There is SOOOO much to learn – my brain hurts sometimes:) I’ll check out your blog now. Jill x

  11. 11 November 2017 / 12:40 pm

    Fabulous post, thank you. Could put a name of a friend to each type.

    • 11 November 2017 / 1:05 pm

      Hey Cheryl – I’ve got some fab friends and they are a a mixture of these character traits. I am off to lunch now with 2 – who no doubt will ask which ones they are 🙂 Thanks for reading and commenting. Jill x

  12. 11 November 2017 / 1:27 pm

    I see Ritu was assigning her friends to the different roles I was going through thinking where do I fit? Do you think you are sometimes different roles with different people? Great post thank you.

    • 12 November 2017 / 7:43 am

      Hi Brenda, yes that’s so true.With some friends, I am the joker and others much more serious. I guess we are all made up of lots of different characteristics and they come out at different times. Thanks for popping on and reading. JIll

  13. MM
    11 November 2017 / 2:03 pm

    Of course the same person can fulfill different roles with different friends.

    So ask EACH of your friends which type you are.

    • 12 November 2017 / 7:41 am

      Hullo and thanks for popping on and commenting. My friends have told me which ones they think they are 🙂 Jill

  14. 11 November 2017 / 2:15 pm

    This made me laugh as I can think of a few friends and my sisters that fit into those categories. I am probably the type of friend that tries to give good advice, but can never practice what she preaches!! Thank God, I have my online blogging friends to talk to about blogging as none of my real life ones get it!

    • 12 November 2017 / 7:39 am

      Hi Judy thanks for popping on and reading. Yep, I am great at handing out advice – not so good at taking it! I am quite new to blogging and finding the support from other bloggers amazing. Cheers, JIll x

  15. 11 November 2017 / 3:42 pm

    Don’t think we do this as guys. But I could sure use a few more “wise ones” in my little world 😉

    • 11 November 2017 / 5:38 pm

      Hey Gabe, thanks for commenting. Guys seem to have a different way with friendship. Would make a good blog! Cheers, Jill

  16. 11 November 2017 / 4:25 pm

    Most of my friends fit more than one category, but mostly ?I wanted to say… David Cassidy was the best 😉

    • 11 November 2017 / 5:38 pm

      Janice!! How can you say that… Donny rocked! Don’t you remember Paper Roses 🙂 Thanx for reading and commenting Jill

  17. 11 November 2017 / 4:44 pm

    Loved this look at friendship. I wouldn’t be without my girly mates, great post!

    • 11 November 2017 / 5:39 pm

      Hey Caroline, me neither. Thanks for reading and commenting. Jill x

  18. 11 November 2017 / 5:04 pm

    Love this! I can definitely fit various friends into your categories. I have recently had a 30 year school union and now a nursing friend is planning our 30 year reunion for the start of nurse training – whaat has amazed me is that despite having not seen some of these lovely ladies for years, the time just falls away and those old friendships just fall back into place. My daughter has a group of friends coming round this eve – maybe I’ll get the teens to see who they identify with the categories!!

    • 11 November 2017 / 5:57 pm

      Hey Claire lovely to hear your comments. I love when you catch up with an old friend and it all falls in to place and there is something about working together that bonds you together. Hope the young ones identify (maybe not with the Tequila !!) Jill x

  19. 11 November 2017 / 6:17 pm

    I have a few friends who head up several of these titles 😊 funny post love it

    • 11 November 2017 / 6:20 pm

      Hullo! Thanks for commenting. Had fun writing this. Yes I’ve got friends in a few categories too. Jill

    • 11 November 2017 / 8:33 pm

      Good time gals are the best!! Thanks for commenting x PS had a look at your blog earlier. Loved it

  20. Mel
    11 November 2017 / 11:06 pm

    Soooo spot on! Awesome summary and could assign each of those to my friends. Loved it

    • 12 November 2017 / 7:36 am

      Hey Mel, thanks for popping on and reading. My friends have been asking which one they are 🙂 Most of us are a mixture of different characters. Gal pals are the best! Jill x

  21. 12 November 2017 / 7:13 am

    Okay, I’ll admit that I’m not a midlife woman, but I still feel this holds true! Although right now, I don’t think I have anywhere close to 10 friends, but I definitely have some of these personalities in my life! Couldn’t live without them!

    • 12 November 2017 / 7:31 am

      Hey McKenna lovely to hear from you. I think a great gang for friends is vital at an age and I’m delighted you hear you’ve got that. Thanks for reading and commenting. Jill x I’ll check your blog out

  22. 12 November 2017 / 8:37 am

    Great post and I agree however I think friendships are harder to maintain as we get older. We lead busy lives and I think as we get older we get picky with who we hang out with. We are also less accepting of drama and toxic friendships. I sound like a right Debbie Downer lol!

    • 12 November 2017 / 8:42 am

      Hey Lucy, yes I think we do get fussier about who we spent time with when we get older. And yep no time for the Toxic ones! Thanks for popping on . JIll x

  23. 12 November 2017 / 8:46 am

    Ha I love this. We all need all of these types of friends. And I’m forever grateful for the event organiser friend!

    • 12 November 2017 / 9:01 am

      Hey Hayley Yes I can’t help but organise things!! Cheers for popping on and commenting. Jill x

  24. 12 November 2017 / 9:12 am

    I love this! When I left my marriage, and started to piece my life back together, I got a job in a conference and events office where all the girls were ten years younger than me. They all became my best buds but I automatically took on the ‘mum’ role and still do haha. I went from having three kids to an extended family of over ten!! x

    • 12 November 2017 / 9:17 am

      Hey Shelley lovely to hear your thoughts. I can morph between Event Organiser to Mum to Good Time Gal 🙂 Jill x

  25. 12 November 2017 / 9:34 am

    Yep I can count a few of these friend “types” in my collection of buddies – there are a few missing but I’m okay with that! Lovely to meet you through Big Up Your Blog – you’re certainly rocking Midlife Blogging judging from all the comments!

    • 12 November 2017 / 9:35 am

      Hey Leanne lovely to meet you and read your comment. I’ve signed up to follow your blog. Jill

  26. 12 November 2017 / 10:54 am

    What a lovely post Jill. It’s great to have a good network of friends each individual and as special as each other. 😉

    • 12 November 2017 / 2:51 pm

      Hi Lorelle thanks for popping on and commenting. You’re so right a good network of friends is worth is weight in gold . Jill I’ll check your blog out shortly

  27. 12 November 2017 / 11:13 am

    This is brilliant and a great way of looking at friendship…thinking of which of my friends fit which category, really enjoyed the humour in it too!! thanks for sharing!

    • 12 November 2017 / 2:54 pm

      HI Anna thanks so much for reading and commenting. Got all my friends guessing which one they are now 🙂 I’ll pop on to your blog shortly. Jill x

  28. 12 November 2017 / 5:32 pm

    I started out strong, feeling good that I know exactly who each of my girls is… but then I got to the Wise One and realized I don’t have one. Holy shit, am I the Wise One for everybody else? We need a recruiting drive or something, because I need backup!

    • 12 November 2017 / 9:31 pm

      Haha. Sometimes I think I might be the wise one and then I get worrie 😦 Thanks for popping in and commenting Jill

  29. 13 November 2017 / 4:05 pm

    Loved this! Am gonna share with my friends to let them know which category they fell under. Perhaps sometimes it’s easier to just speak to Mum. 🙂

    • 13 November 2017 / 4:06 pm

      Oh thanx so much. Delighted to know you enjoyed. Jill x

  30. 13 November 2017 / 7:20 pm

    Aw! I’m lucky enough that my bestie does multiple of these things depending on the situation 🙂

    • 13 November 2017 / 8:03 pm

      Hey Shelby thanks for popping by and commenting. Sounds the you’ve got a great bestie there. Jill x

  31. Eleanor
    18 November 2017 / 9:52 am

    I’m lucky enough to have a sister who is a combination of all (except gossip, which is good!).

    • 18 November 2017 / 9:53 am

      She sounds like a star. x

  32. 18 November 2017 / 3:42 pm

    I wasn’t ever a gossip (I don’t think), but a I get older I know I’d be lousy as that friend because I simply don’t remember everything I’m told even when I want to LOL! Hopefully we’ve all got some friends who fill more than one role. I’m sharing this in a roundup to publish on 11-25-17.

    • 18 November 2017 / 3:46 pm

      Hey Shelley. That’s funny. Yes remembering the gossip gets harder. Thanks for including in the round up. Can’t wait to see that. Jill x

  33. 19 November 2017 / 11:05 am

    This was a fun read…. lol… as ive mentioned… my bff is all of this so well into our midlife we have this aspect covered… woohooo… 🤗

    • 19 November 2017 / 11:11 am

      Thanx x

  34. 25 January 2018 / 8:09 am

    Ha ha ha,”I liked to hit boys with my school bag, as a sign of affection.”

    You’re so right about different friends playing different roles. I, fortunately, have one VERY close friend who fits into multiple roles assigned above. But I do appreciate the ones in my life, close or otherwise. Such a wise yet fun list, Jill 🙂 I don’t know why I haven’t come across your blog before BUYB. Your humour is so effective!

    • 25 January 2018 / 8:39 am

      Hey Shailaja so great to ‘meet’ you and thanx so much for your lovely comment. Nice to revisit the old posts and yes, friends or all sorts are one of life’s delights. JIll x

  35. 25 January 2018 / 12:01 pm

    What a great post! I agree with all of it and I love the fact that I have friends in each category. 🙂

    • 25 January 2018 / 12:03 pm

      Hey Lisa thanks. It was a fun one to write. JIll x

    • 25 January 2018 / 5:21 pm

      HI LIsa, lovely to read your comment. And fab to hear you had a great bunch of friends. A must for every gal! JIll x

  36. 25 January 2018 / 5:09 pm

    I really enjoyed reading this! I don’t know if I have all 10 of these, but I do have some two for ones! Like my mom friend is also my wise one. Female friendships are so important (and male ones too). Just the chance to really be ourselves with others outside our spouses/partners makes such a difference I think. It takes a village!

    • 25 January 2018 / 5:20 pm

      Hey Angela, lovely to read your comment. I couldn’t agree more and I so love that expression It Takes A Village. Thanks for swinging by and commenting. JIll x

  37. 25 January 2018 / 6:53 pm

    Such a great list! I’m definitely the Event Organiser, and sometimes the Wise One… I definitely recognise the Mum and the Good Time Gal!

    • 25 January 2018 / 10:41 pm

      I’m the event organiser too! Thanx for commenting. Lovely to hear from you. Jill x

    • 26 January 2018 / 4:24 pm

      Yes think we are all a bit of a mixture. Thanks popping on and commenting. JIll

  38. Melanie
    25 February 2018 / 10:23 pm

    My ‘bestie’ fits most of these, thank God, but you DID miss one or two of her traits. She’s the friend I can’t say ‘no’ to (except when it’s illegal), and the one that I love teasing because she not only takes it well, but her initial reaction is as incredulous as I am! If there’s anything more, she’ll, that’s why we have psychiatrists.😄

    • 26 February 2018 / 11:21 am

      Hey Melanie she’s sounds like a great friend to have. And yes I forgot to add in that haveing a psychiatrist on speed dial would help 🙂 Jill

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